Foreword

     This book is a memoir, a collection of stories based on memories of my life, predominantly my married life. For this reason, the point of view is first person: the pronouns used are I, me, my, giving my subjective memory the preeminent voice on each page. As with every memoir, the objective truth of what happened is not the point; my subjective view and recollection of what happened are the key elements. Where possible, I researched my own journals, emails, and other contemporaneous writings to ensure my writing represents the truth as accurately as possible. No scenes or episodes are invented; nothing presented is a conflation of several separate instances. There is no fiction here.

 

     Memoir, an increasingly popular genre, is very different from fiction. Memoirist Mary Karr describes it this way: in a work of fiction, the writer begins with a message she wants to convey, then creates the story using imaginary characters and settings of place and time, then invents dialogue to express her message. By contrast, the memoirist begins with the story—the truth of what happened to her as best she remembers it—then uses the characters, including herself and those around her, along with the settings and the dialogue to craft a narrative. Out of the chaos of her past, she elicits the meaning to reveal the ultimate message. Such is the case with the book you hold in your hands.

 

     Each of my chapters was meant to be read as a stand-alone short story, so it reads like fiction. This was my goal. The chapters give the reader clear separation between episodes, and sometimes a needed breather after an intense scene. My writer’s mind remembers very clearly each of these scenes, especially the scenes portraying trauma. The chapters of my life, from 1962 to 2022, play in my mind like a film I can see as I sit in a darkened theatre. Again, there are no scenes that were fabricated, and in no way did I attempt to make the protagonist appear more like a victim or the antagonist more like a villain. If anything, there are traumatic moments that were deleted from the final book.

 

     The dialogue, too, is an accurate representation of what was said. In some instances, the dialogue is exact because the antagonist repeated declarations multiple times over many occasions. There are some chapters that are flashbacks or flash-forwards, but in general, the trajectory of the narrative moves the reader forward. Capturing this story that spans more than four decades was a challenge, so each chapter is both named and marked with the year to assist the reader.

 

     A word about faith: In no way is this book meant to denigrate any aspect of the Christian faith, including self-proclaimed Christians, pastors, churches, or counselors. The expressed faith of the main character did not cause his behavior nor excuse it. In the same vein, this is not a Christian book. It is a memoir, plain and simple. There is offensive language—much of it was deleted--but the book accurately represents what was said in every situation.

 

     Finally, to protect anyone connected with this story, every name has been changed as were the cities and states for each character portrayed. After you have read the memoir, peruse the appendices which are meant to enhance your reading experience. It is my heartfelt wish that you will pass along this book—an actual copy or your recommendation--to anyone to whom you believe it will provide clarity, giving them a needed “Awakening.” My goal in writing my story was to shine a Light where people were living in the Shadows as I once was.

 

Jesus said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness but will have the Light of Life.” (John 8:12)